Rocky Horror Hetalia?
by Wooly Pig Socks
Summary: Give yourself over to absolute pleasure, Why don't you come up to the lab and see what's on the slab? Hetalia/Rocky Horror, rated T, will probably have to go up.
1. Chapter 1

_**Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still  
But he told us where we stand  
And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear  
Claude Raines was the invisible man  
Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong  
They got caught in a celluloid jam  
Then at a deadly pace it came from outer space  
And this is how the message ran:**_

Szzzzng! szzzzzzzzing!Sziiiiiing! The sound of a blade being sharpened rang angrily through the many corridors of the peculiar castle. Natalia's bright red lips curved into a large smile as she thought about spending another 'fun' filled day with her older brother Ivan and her master.

_**Science Fiction - Double Feature  
Dr. X will build a creature  
See androids fighting Brad and Janet  
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet  
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, picture show.**_

She fiddled with her maids outfit and mentally cursed herself, she had a rip in her skirt from getting it caught up in the many controls on her masters 'experiment.' Sighing, she decided to go and ask her friend with a penchant for idiotic bikers for help later.

_**I knew Leo G. Carroll was over a barrel  
When Tarantula took to the hills  
And I really got hot when I saw Janet Scott  
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills  
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes  
And passing them used lots of skills  
But when worlds collide, said George Pal to his bride  
I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills, like a:**_

Hopping off from the window ledge she put her knives down and dusted herself off, she expected a call from the master any moment, he was working on something huge and had to keep calling for assistance every hour or so.

_**Science Fiction - Double Feature  
Dr. X will build a creature  
See androids fighting Brad and Janet  
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet  
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, picture show.  
I wanna go, oh-oh, to the late night double feature picture show.  
By RKO, oh-oh, at the late night double feature picture show.  
In the back row at the late night double feature picture show.**_

'NATALIA, IVAN! GET YOUR PERFECT LEETLE BEHINDS 'ERE NOW!'

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Church bells rang, people were cheering as the newly married Mr. and Mr. Fernandez-Vargas emerged from the small church. While his husband Lovi went off to chat to (or rather yell at) his friends and family Antonio grinned proudly. It had taken him many long years to get his sweetheart down that aisle and he was damn happy to have finally managed it without gaining too many injuries. His smile faltered a little when he found his hand in a grasp so strong it could snap iron.

'I guess we made it, eh?' He commented to the owner of the hand.

'Ya sure did! Ya'll were a shoe in for marriage ever since you sat in on Dr. Bielschmidt's lecture on... whatever!'

'I'm not gonna lie, I don't remember what we were supposed to be studying either, I was aways too busy admiring Lovi's amazing golden irisies.' Antonio sighed happily.'I suppose I sorta owe Dr. Bielschmidt one.'

'I know what you mean! I totally owe him for my relationship taking off, he's such a frigid little bunny when he wants to be... It's a shame Doc moved, ain't it?'

'Sure is... hey look! Lovi's throwing... Something... I suppose it's his version of a bouquet toss?'

'Yeah... Dude, you married a nutter.' Antonio looked about ready to spit acid at this remark, but his face broke into a wide grin as he noticed who Lovi had managed to hit with his 'Bouquet'.

'!' The Spaniard doubled over with laughter.

'What?'

'Looks like you could be next for the ball and chain!' He cried, pointing at a very confused looking figure holding a shoe.

'Who knows, eh?' Winking he walked off and went to sort out his boyfriend.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

'Seriously, who on EARTH throws a shoe at people at weddings? That boy isn't right in the head! I'll admit though, the whole affair _was_ quite tasteful and Antonio must be thrilled to be able to add 'Vargas' at the end of his name without Lovino taking out a restraining order. Again.'

'I know, they're pretty lucky to find each other...'

'Sure are, I don't know any one who can put up with either of them for too long.'

'And everyone knows Lovi's a pretty awesome cook.'

'AND JUST WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING ABOUT MY COOKING?'

'Nothing! I was just saying, jeesh!'

'Good.'

'H-hey...'

'Hello?'

'No! I've got something I wanna say!'

'Well, spit it out then!

'Ya know, It was really cute when you tried to dodge that shoe...'

'Cute? Erm, thankyou?' Suddenly jumping on top of a mound one of the men began to sing.

**The river was deep but I swam it, **_**Artie**_**  
The future is ours so let's plan it, **_**Artie**_**  
So please don't tell me to can it, **_**Artie**_**  
I've one thing to say and that's  
Darn it, Artie I love you...**

Arthur felt himself go crimson as he watched his boyfriend prance about and sing. Sometimes, he really wondered why he went out in public with such an embarrassing person. Usually though, once the embarrassment wore off, it was cute. However, he had a feeling it would take a while to get to that point.

**The road was long but i ran it, **_**Artie**_**  
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it, **_**Artie**_**  
If there's one fool for you then I am it, **_**Artie**_**  
Now I've one thing to say and that's  
Darn it, Artie I love you...**

**Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker  
There's three ways that love can grow  
That's good, bad or mediocre  
Oh A-R-T-I-E I love you so**

Alfred almost had to shove his fist in his mouth, he was finding it so difficult not to laugh at the look on Arthur's face. The older man looked completely flabbergasted and stood there gawking like a fish at him until he could find the right words.

**Oh it's nicer than Antonio had,oh Al  
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad,oh Al  
That you've met Mum and you know Dad, oh Al  
I've one thing to say and that's  
Brad I'm mad for you too...**

Grinning wildly Alfred picked Arthur up and span him around.

**Oh Al,**

**Oh... darn it! **

Alfred swore as he stumbled and almost dropped the shortish Englishman

**I'm mad,  
**Eyebrows furrowing Arthur's legs flew everywhere in an attempt to be put down.

**Oh Artie! **

The American buckled as Arthur managed to kick him in his vital regions.

**For you, **

Arthur put on his 'cute voice', the one that managed to win him several arguments with Alfred.

**I love you too**

Alfred nuzzled the top of Arthur's head, so he knew was forgiven.

**There's one thing left to do, and that's**

**Go see the man who began it, **_**Artie**_**  
When we met in his science exam-it, **_**Artie**_**  
Made me give you the eye and then panic,  
**_**Artie**_**  
There's one thing to say and that's  
Darn it, **_**Artie**_** I love you...  
Darn it, **_**Artie**_**  
Oh **_**Al**_**, I'm mad  
Darn it, **_**Artie**_

**I love you!**

Linking hands and smiling cheesily, the two finished their little karaoke session in the graveyard and wandered off to tell whoever they could find about their 'happy announcement.'

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A shortish Asian man dressed entirely in white sits in front of an old mahogany desk, he pulls out a thick, leather bound book and flicks through it.

_**'I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.' **_

He stares straight forwards, dark eyes gleaming as he picks out the dossiers he wants.

_**'It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Alfred F. Jones and Arthur Kirkland, two happy, healthy kids, left the church that late November evening to visit Dr. Ludwig Beilschmidt, ex tutor and now friend of the two of them. It's true that there were stormclouds, heavy, black and pendulous, towards which they were driving. It's true also that the spare tyre they were carrying was badly in need of some air. But they being normal kids and on a night out, well they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out. **_He snaps the book shut as a thunder storm is brewing outside his window. Voice dripping with a knowing of what is to come he continues his monologue, eyes never leaving that same point on the wall.

'_**It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time.'**_

_**

* * *

**_

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ROCKY HORROR _OR _AXIS POWERS: HETALIA, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.**

******Well... What can I say? I suppose this is the result of 6 hours of solid CoD, being awake at 3.30am and generally being a Rocky Horror and Hetalia fan!**

******It's actually all planned out for once, which is rare for my fics. I've been using the actual script to help me write this, but of course I've deviated from it in a bid to keep everyone at least vaguely in character.**

******Also, a quick bit about 'Darn it, Artie.' I didn't want to fiddle too much with the actual song, as it would 1) be extremely difficult and 2) not flow properly no matter what I did.**

******Just one more thing, I need help with a certain Character, I simply can _not_ figure out who should be Eddie! I really need some suggestions!**

******Thanyou for reading this! Please review?  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Rain attacked the windscreen as the two young lovers drove down a deserted road. Alfred was attempting to concentrate on the road ahead, the rain was making it difficult to see very much and the last thing he wanted was to hit something. Muttering something about 'damned Yankees and their intolerance of rain' Arthur quickly devoured some chocolate and half listened to the radio, which was playing The Shadow by Orson Wells. Suddenly, out of nowhere a motorcycle sped past them at what was easily double the speed limit.

'Bloody hell! That's the third bike that's passed us, and _none _of them were decent! Some people have no taste whatsoever... None of them have very good traction, they'll all be sleeping in ditches from now on!'

'Yeah Artie, life's pretty cheap to that type.'

'That type? I'll have you know that I'm an experienced biker!'

'Yeeeaaah, but, you're an innocent little biker!'

'Innocent? What're you-' Arthur's sentence was cut off by his forehead almost making friends with the windscreen. 'Why the bloody hell did you stop?'

'_Dead end, _I think ya got us lost with ya so called 'map reading!'

'Well, if we went the wrong way... Where'd those bikers come from?'

'Dunno, guess we're gonna have to turn back.' As he said this Alfred revved the engine, causing the tires to scream and skid.

**BANG.**

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

'WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?'

'We've gotta blow out...'

'Oh...' The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes when a loud Crack! of lightning was heard.

'I'm gonna go get some help,you stay here in the warm' Alfred declared, opening his car door.

'Where on earth are you going to go? We're in the arse end of bugger all!'

'I saw a castle a few miles down the road, they'll have a phone!'

'Fine, but I'm coming with you.'

'Artie, there's no point both of us getting wet!'

'I'm more than used to the rain Alfred, besides, you get lost in IKEA, you've no hope of finding your way out here.'

Alfred glared at Artie while the latter laughed and opened his door. Before getting out he grabbed Alfred's copy of _The Sun _(Arthur usually wouldn't touch the thing, but he hadn't finished _The Times _yet and he wouldn't be able to if it was soaked) and put it over his head in an attempt to keep his hair from reacting from the humidity. It had a bad habit of going extremely fluffy and making him look like a rabbit, Alfred called him 'Bunny Brows' for weeks after the last incident.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

**In the velvet darkness of the blackest night  
Burning bright, there's a guiding star  
No matter what or who you are.**

The two ventured down the road with their fingers interlaced. Arthur found himself hitting higher notes than he's ever hit before as his voice shook slightly in fear, he jumped a little when he heard voices in the distance return his words.

**There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.**

It took him a moment, however, to notice that Alfred was shaking even more than he was. _Oh yeah, the git's terrified of ghosts, he's probably having a heart attack right now._ To try and calm the younger man down Arthur squeezed his hand, only to have his almost crushed as Alfred clung to him for dear life. Shaking from a mixture of fear and the cold Alfred joined it, attempting to ignore the voices.

**I can see the flag fly, I can see the rain  
Just the same, there has got to be  
Something better here for you and me.**

**There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.**

An eerie voice with a hint of a Russian accent sliced through air, a voice so very strange and yet so very alluring caused the two to stop dead in their tracks to listen.

**The darkness must go down the river of nights dreaming  
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming  
Into my life, into my life.**

Still fighting against the weather they set off even faster than before, wanting to get out of the rain and escape whatever oddity it was that was causing this to occur.

**There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life...**

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

This time, the man is sitting in his arm chair, he leans forward, almost urgently. Once again his eyes a gleaming, but now with an almost mischievous look in them. He half smiles as he appears to be addressing a point on the wall.

_**'And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Alfred and Arthur and that they had found the assistance that their plight required-or had they?'**_ _**-**_ _**DONG, DONG! **_

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

'Al, are you sure about this? I've got an awful feeling about this... Lets go back before it's too late!' Arthur tugged at the other mans sleeve, he _really _didn't trust this place one bit. Alfred laughed and patted his head, narrowly avoiding being bitten when he removed his hand.

'Chill out Artie! They might have a phone we can use, besides, who's going to hurt you with the hero around?' Alfred grinned, pointing to himself. He was the brave one in the relationship and Arthur absolutely loved it when Alfred treated him like a damsel in distress, well, he did in Alfred's mind at least. The door creaked open to reveal a tall man with violet eyes. The man appeared to be a butler, but he honestly looked as if he's escaped from the local asylum.

'Hello?' His voice sounded almost childlike, a Russian accent was clearly heard. The two men instantly realised that this was the owner of that odd voice they'd heard only a few minutes prior.

'Oh! Uh... Hi! I'm Alfred F. Jones and this is my Fiancée, Arthur Kirkland, I-' Arthur swiftly administered a sharp elbow to Alfred's ribs. 'Ahem, _we, _erm, wondered if ya could give us a hand? Our car broke down a few miles down the road, have you got a phone or something we can use?' Alfred stumbled over his words as he tried to get them out, he really didn't like this man at all.

'You're wet, da?' The man stated, he obviously had ignored Alfred's little speech.

'Well, yes, it's absolutely pissing it down out here!' Arthur pointed out, a little taken aback by the mans behavior. 'Yeah!' Alfred added, hating to be ignored by anyone, especially random Russian strangers.

'Da.' The man conceded. As soon as the word left his mouth a bright flash of lightning, followed shortly by a loud Crack! made the young couple near enough jump out of their skin. Alfred noticed a very odd mix of vehicles, he was about to ask when he was cut off by the Russian. '

I think you'd better come inside, da?' 'You're too kind.' Arthur commented dryly. - Door opened wide for them they entered the castle and were hit by the sound of loud music and chattering.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

While the Russian led them though the halls Arthur took the opportunity to talk to his Fiancée. 'I have said it once and I will say it again, there's something not right here. It's seriously unnerving me, I mean, what _is _this place?' 'Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.' They arrived in what appeared to be a lavish man hall and were confronted with a woman in a maids outfit who looked extremely similar to the Russian butler.

'This way.' The butler motioned for them to follow him as he slowly made his way across the room.

'Are you having a party?' Arthur asked, he couldn't help but think that the music was far too loud for any normal person to withstand when on their own.

'No, you've arrived on a rather... _kolkolkol... _special night. It is one of the masters affairs.'

'Oh, Lucky him...' Arthur muttered, looking round warily.

'You're Lucky! I'm Lucky! We're ALL LUCKY!' Arthur and Alfred's heads turned to the maid with enough force to cause them whiplash. She was sprawled out across a banister looking like she'd completely lost her mind. **-** Once again the butler face wore a creepy smile as he suddenly launched into song. He ran to the nearby clock and began admiring it's inhabitant, a full size human skeleton with a macabre glee. 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

**_KEY,_**

**BUTLER**

**_MAID_**

**_GIRL IN SPARKLY HOT PANTS_**

**ENSEMBLE _  
_**

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

**It's astounding,  
Time is fleeting  
Madness takes its toll  
But listen closely,** _**not for very much longer**_

The maid cut in as the butler and her did the most unusual arm movement, palms meeting and then raising their arms until their elbows touched. Arthur and Alfred's eyebrows raised as the maids eyes became lidded with desire. 

**I've got to keep control**

An insanity of sorts seemed to over come the butler. His dancing became almost like he was having a fit, his arms and legs flying everywhere. 

**I remember doing the Time Warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling**

Still dancing like a madman the butler threw open a pair of double doors, revealing a lavish ballroom filled with people in a strange stage of dress. All of then wore suits with waistcoats of varying colours, just like the motorcyclists they'd spotted previously. At the furthest end of the room stands a throne like chair on a stage, a large banner reading 'Annual Transylvanian Convention' hung on the wall above it. The mass of people all spot tedthe small group in the door way and loudly joined in with the butlers song

**Let's do the time warp again...  
**

Arthur was finding the whole thing too much. Before he knew it his head was spinning and everything went black, he woke up moments later in Alfred's arms.

**Let's do the time warp again!**

The man stands up from out of his chair and walks to the nearest wall, he pulls down a chart with illustrated dance steps on it. Pulling out a pointer he hits part of the diagram. 

**It's just a jump to the left****  
And then a step to the right!  
****With your hands on your hips****  
You bring your knees in tight!  
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,  
Let's do the Time Warp again!  
**

While everyone was distracted Alfred and a still woozy Arthur attempted to make a break for it, only to collide with the maid. **  
** __

_**It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me  
So you can't see me, no not at all  
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention  
Well-secluded, I see all**_

Alarmed, Alfred and Arthur looked at each other, they grabbed each others hands and clung to each other as they were herded back towards the crowd.

**With a bit of a mind flip  
You're there in the time slip  
And nothing can ever be the same  
You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation  
Let's do the Time Warp again!**

There was no escape now from the sheer insanity of the ball room and it's current inhabitants. They noticed at the other end of the room a young girl with enormous breasts who was squeezed into a pair of tiny sparkley hot pats and was wearing a top hat on the top of her light blonde hair. She too joined in, tap dancing across the room.

_**Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think  
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink  
He shook me up, he took me by surprise  
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.  
He stared at me and I felt a change  
Time meant nothing, never would again**_**  
** **Let's do the Time Warp again!  
Let's do the Time Warp again!**

Now completely absorbed in his re-enactment of the dance the narrator is standing upon his desk, he obviously is an experienced Time Warper.

**It's just a jump to the left!**

**And a step to the right!**

**Put your hands on your hips!**

**And lock your knees in tight!**

**but it's the pelvic thrust,**

**that really makes you insane!**

**Let's do the timewarp again!**

**LET'S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!**

The dancers fell to the ground like flies, completely exhausted. Alfred and Artie stood there, looking even more confused than before.

'Al! Say something!'

'So... Any one know the Macerana?' The various people on the floor stared at them blankly while Arthur facepalmed and marveled at his fiancée's talent at embarrassing him.

* * *

**This was stupidly difficult to write... The time warp has so much going on in it, it's almost silly. **

**Thankyou to my lovely reviewers for their wonderful words! and everyone who has favourited/story alerted this fic! :D 3**

**Now, I have a question, does anyone know where I can watch the English dubbed Hetalia episodes, as I live in England and they aren't licensed here yet... please PM me a link if you know where I can watch them! **

**P.S**

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN.  
**


End file.
